Believe In Love
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: After a drunken night at a party, Sirius and Remus find themselves physically attracted to each other, but can it lead to more?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

Summary: After a drunken night at a party, Sirius and Remus find themselves physically attracted to each other, but can it lead to more?

A/N: Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've written anything (5 years in fact) so I thought I'd get back into it again. Thank you to everyone who still reads my stories and favourite me and comment on them. I hope you enjoy this one – be warned, it does contain slash.

Believe In Love

Chapter One

Remus was unbelievably drunk. It was unbelievable because Remus J. Lupin did not get drunk. Ever. Tonight however seemed to be an exception. Perhaps it was because they were celebrating; Gryffindor had after all won their first match against Hufflepuff. It may also have had something to do with the fact that Sirius Black was in charge of the drinks.

"Come on, Moony! One more for luck!" Sirius shouted jovially, thrusting yet another Firewhisky under Remus' nose.

"I think I've had enough" Remus slurred, struggling to form a coherent sentence.

"If you're still upright, you haven't nearly had enough!"

Despite Sirius' frequent acquaintance with alcohol; he still appeared unable to hold his liquor, even more so than Remus who rarely touched the stuff. James on the other hand used it as an advantage to say whatever he liked to Lily Evans, his dearest crush, only later to deny saying anything to her to prevent disembowelment. As for Peter, he was already stark out on the nearest sofa, snoring profusely and occasionally drooling.

The Gryffindor common room was in full party mode; arrangements had been made previous to the match itself by James who had requested plenty of food and drink from the house elves in the kitchens, having already predicted Gryffindors victory.

"There was no question" he boasted loudly to several giggling fifth years. "What with the best Chaser and Beater in the whole school on the team!" James took this opportunity to grab Sirius around the shoulders and pull him in for a somewhat manly one-armed squeeze.

"Sorry to interrupt your little self-praising love-fest, but Lupin looks like he's about to topple over so you might want to see to him" Lilly commented, raising her eyebrows and walking away swiftly, much to James' displeasure. He had been rather taken with Lilly Evans especially towards the end of his fifth year when he had began to mature somewhat, not that she had noticed this of course.

Whilst James looked mournfully at the back profile of the object of his affection, Sirius rushed forwards to steady Remus who as it turned out, had indeed had enough to drink.

"Let's get you up to bed, eh?" Sirius said gruffly, attempting to balance himself whilst holding tightly around Remus' midriff to prevent him falling over.

"I thought you said...I hadn't had... enough" Remus stated with difficultly; Sirius' tight grip making it difficult to breathe.

"Well you have now" Sirius replied, practically dragging Remus up the staircase.

When they had finally arrived upstairs, Remus' head was swimming with dizziness. "I don't feel so good" he told Sirius weakly.

Sirius smiled softly, feeling quite sorry for the dejected boy in his arms and also slightly amused. Remus had always been the mature one of the group and yet here he was, drunk and queasy as a result. Sirius couldn't help but chuckle quietly to himself.

"What you laughing at?" Remus accused in what he thought was a defiant tone but made him sound more like a wounded puppy. Sirius simply laughed louder; clearly the firewhisky was going to his head slightly. Remus merely pouted and attempted to extract himself from Sirius' iron-tight grip but Sirius was less than relenting, fearing Remus would topple over suddenly if he let him go.

Instead, Sirius tried to drop Remus gracefully onto his bed to hopefully let him sleep it off. Remus however had gotten to the stage of drunkenness in which he was starting to get rather desolate and moody and so he decided to drag Sirius onto the bed next to him, resulting in a startled yelp from the black-haired boy.

"What did you do that for?" Sirius demanded, slightly flushed in the cheeks.

"Sorry" Remus replied sheepishly, "Just wanted a little company for a bit".

"Well you could have just asked" Sirius muttered dryly. Remus bowed his head disconsolately. "What's wrong?" Sirius asked, starting to get concerned.

"Oh nothing" Remus sighed heavily. Sirius laughed again, Remus was normally so reserved and quiet and now it was quite clear he wanted Sirius to press the issue of what was bothering him.

"Come on then, lay it on me" Sirius said, opening his arms to mirror his words.

Remus did something completely unexpected then. He kissed Sirius, hard, on the mouth. Sirius was too stunned to react at first. Remus was obviously a little sloppy, being drunk as he was but Sirius found himself rather enjoying it. He'd kissed a few girls in the past and done various _other_ activities per say, but it was nothing compared to this. Remus' kiss was hungry, desperate and Sirius was kissing him just as hungrily back.

Of course in the back of his mind he was screaming at himself: "What are you doing?! This is one of your best friends! And he's a bloke!" But Sirius ignored the voice because it didn't matter right now because they were simply two boys, enjoying wet, hot lips smouldering together, the physical attraction between each other blatant and yet unexplored. As Remus slipped his tongue suddenly into Sirius' mouth, Sirius groaned in pleasure and found himself thinking that he was glad Remus had gotten drunk tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: I thought I might as well post Chapter Two straight away. The chapters might seem a bit short right now but they will gradually get longer, please read and review, thanks 

Chapter Two

Remus awoke the next morning feeling as though someone had just walloped him over the head with a troll's club. For a brief moment Remus wondered if he had been attacked, panic flaring up inside of him, until he vaguely recalled drinking one too many firewhiskys the night before. Remus sighed in relief when he remembered this, but something didn't feel right. Something felt out of place…

That was the moment Remus realised that he was not alone in his bed. Dread washed over him like a stale Butterbeer. He frantically began trying to piece together what had happened the night before; although he could have simply opened his eyes to witness the body which was currently draped over his own, he was frightened to, and perhaps more than anything else, ashamed at himself that he could spend the night with someone and not even remember who it was.

So he began sifting through his memories of the night before. He remembered the Quidditch match and Gryffindors victory and the party which followed, organised by a jubilant James. He remembered drinking. A lot. But after that it was rather a blur. He couldn't even recall how he had made it up the stairs; he doubted he had done so himself, unless someone had helped him?

Remus was brought out of his recollections when he heard a soft grunt from next to him. Bracing himself, he slowly opened his eyes and registered the peacefully sleeping figure next to him and nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Who he saw. Sirius Black. His best friend. Remus felt his stomach churning and quickly extracted himself from his bedclothes and ran full pelt to the bathroom to be violently sick; from the alcohol or the shock, he wasn't quite sure.

When he returned he felt slightly light-headed so he laid himself back down on his bed; painfully aware that Sirius had awoken and was currently sitting on his own bed, his back to Remus.

The silence was palpable. Remus began to sweat profusely. What had happened between them? Remus was sure he would have remembered if something _significant _had happened; he didn't feel…sore. Remus winced at the thought which seemed to alert Sirius to his presence who turned around slowly, his expression unreadable.

For several moments they sat there, or in Remus' case, laid there, staring at each other, neither one of them wanting to be the first to speak, to break the stilted air of silence which hung around them like a dark cloud. Sirius was the one to finally break the silence.

"Umm…Remus…did we? Umm" Sirius began awkwardly. Even in the circumstances, Remus was amazed. It was a rare sight to see Sirius Black at a loss for words and embarrassed to boot.

"I don't think so" Remus replied and as he clarified this to Sirius, he confirmed it to himself. He was quite sure they didn't. There would have been physical signs at the very least and now as he looked at Sirius, the pieces of last night were starting to slot back into place.

Sirius sighed heavily in relief and for an unknown reason Remus felt a slight twinge in his stomach; a feeling he couldn't quite grasp or understand. Was he hurt that Sirius was so horrified by the idea that they could sleep together? But then why would Remus want him to want that? Why would Remus want that himself? He was starting to feel dizzy again, Sirius merely looked confused.

"You kissed me" It wasn't a question.

Remus simply looked blank. But then it hit him. He _had _kissed Sirius last night. Suddenly memories were flooding back, memories coated somewhat with his drunken haze. He remembered being sulky, and for some reason in desperate need of comfort. He also remembered thinking…Remus blushed then at the memory. He remembered looking up at Sirius, eyes bloodshot from far too much alcohol, hair dishevelled from raucous party games and he remembered thinking that he had never looked so beautiful, and that he really wanted to kiss him. Then another thought occurred to Remus.

"You kissed me back" He wasn't imagining it. He could suddenly recall the taste of Sirius on his lips, the sensation of Sirius' tongue massaging his own. A shiver went through him that had nothing to do with the slight breeze circulating the room.

Silence returned. Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable now. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something until he was interrupted by James entering the room.

"Ugh I feel like utter shit!" James complained, prostrating himself over his own four poster; completely unaware that he may have interrupted something fundamentally important.

The sight of James seemed to allow Sirius to regain his composure. "Where did you sleep last night you daft bugger?"

"Downstairs, in one of the armchairs. Thankfully not on the sofa with Peter, now that would have been embarrassing to wake up to". Remus and Sirius shot each other a furtive, guilty look. "What's up with you two? You seem a bit…jumpy" James cocked an eyebrow. Remus had raised himself to a sitting position upon James' arrival but he was still feeling a bit weak.

"We're just a bit hung-over that's all" Remus replied, feeling ashamed at himself that he was lying to James. He felt the need for some space to clear his head and thankfully, it was a Sunday. "I'm going to go to the library for a bit, finish off that Potions essay due Tuesday". Did he imagine Sirius looking a little put out by that?

"Ah we've got ages for that mate! Why don't you come outside for a bit? It's a nice day, we can play a bit of two on two Quidditch" James hedged, eyeing Remus with slight suspicion.

"No it's okay, I'd better get it done, I'll see you later though" He looked at Sirius pointedly who nodded, thankfully James didn't notice this.

Once Remus had left the common room, unresolved feelings hung heavy in the air and Sirius felt ashamed of his cowardice. If only he had spoken up before James entered and had told Remus that he had liked the kiss and he wanted to do it again.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: Here we are, chapter three and as promised it's a lot longer, I got a bit carried away in the moment hehe. Thanks to the interest from everyone so far, Chapter four will follow shortly.

Chapter Three

Remus rolled over in his bed and gazed sleepily at his alarm clock. 6. 30 Am. He groaned inwardly. After a somewhat restless night he could have done with the extra sleep but it was pointless trying to fall back asleep now; he had too much whirling around in his mind to relax; it had taken him a lot to fall asleep in the first place.

Remus extracted himself from the bedroom quietly; not wishing to rouse the other three sleeping boys and made his way to the boys' shower room. The only benefit of waking up this early, Remus thought, was the fact that he could have some privacy. The shower room was large and fitted with a shower head for each of the boys but much to Remus' intense embarrassment at times; there were no cubicles. Most of the time Remus tended to use the Prefect's bathroom but he thought he may as well use the shower room whilst no one else was awake.

He stripped off his pyjamas and walked over to the nearest shower head, wincing slightly when the water ran cold but relaxing once it had developed to a warm temperature. Remus moaned in satisfaction as he felt the warm water trickle down his back and he closed his eyes, sighing deeply and feeling more relaxed than he had done all week.

Every day had started the same. They would all work down to breakfast, James and Peter often in conversation to fill the awkward silence between the other two boys, who unconsciously had decided it was best not to speak to each other, or even look at each other for that matter. Remus felt a pang of sadness at the thought. He missed his friend something terrible. But he couldn't dispel his discomfort. He tried to tell himself it was simply a drunken mistake and that if he only spoke to Sirius, he would forgive him for his error. But every time he opened his mouth to try, he lost his nerve when he saw the flicker of Sirius' gaze, the tense posture he held around Remus; it had become quite clear that Sirius was wary of being near him; probably afraid he'd jump on him, Remus thought bitterly.

The rest of Remus' conflicted mind was occupied with questioning himself and his actions. He didn't want to believe that he enjoyed kissing Sirius. He didn't want to wonder why he instigated the kiss in the first place. He didn't want to think to himself that he wanted to try it again. Desperately. But he did. It took all of Remus' self-restraint to not jump Sirius every time he was in close proximity. At the same time however, it took a great deal of self-control to not shy away from Sirius altogether and avoid him and the rest of his friends. His instincts were therefore pulling him in two directions; the desire to be close to Sirius was battling the desire to flee.

Currently the desire to flee seemed a lot more appealing than confronting his feelings for Sirius. Until that drunken night he wasn't even aware he _had _feelings for him. Sure, they had always been very close; sometimes even closer than James and Sirius were. Remus

remembered one particular night last year when he'd seen a more vulnerable side to Sirius' character.

"_Remus? You awake?" Sirius peered in through Remus' bed curtains, looking surprisingly tentative. Remus was indeed awake, reading an Astronomy book in preparation for his class test the next day which he was particularly anxious about. _

"_Yeah, what's up, Pads?" Remus replied softly, scooting over slightly in the bed to allow Sirius room to sit next to him. _

"_I'm just finding it tough to sleep at the moment…I keep having these confusing nightmares, y'know?" Sirius looked down and Remus' heart went out to the desolate, vulnerable boy next to him. _

"_What about?" Remus asked gently, moving closer next to Sirius to wrap an arm around the other boy, who was looking a little shaken. _

"_The usual, you can guess I'm sure" Sirius' eyes bored into Remus'; communicating his meaning without words which was a frequent occurrence between the two; perhaps it was a canine thing, Remus wasn't sure. _

"_Do you want to talk about it?" Remus doubted it, but it was polite to ask all the same. _

"_No it's okay, but thanks, Moony. Can I ask one favour though? I hope it doesn't freak you out or anything". Sirius suddenly looked a little embarrassed, Remus couldn't imagine why. _

"_Sure, anything mate" Remus smiled in encouragement and saw Sirius visibly relax. _

"_Can I stay here tonight? It can help sometimes, to have a warm body nearby. No homoeroticism, promise" Sirius grinned his trademark smile which melted the hearts of many a girl and sometimes even the blokes, Remus noted. _

"_Of course, go ahead". Remus didn't mind, they were friends after all and it was nice to have the company for a change. _

"_Thanks" Sirius replied, laying down outside the covers and shutting his eyes. Remus followed suit and replaced his Astronomy book on the table and laid down next to his friend; both of them falling asleep instantly in companionable reassurance. _

Perhaps there was even a hint of it then, Remus wondered, shutting off the shower and grabbing a nearby towel, wrapping it securely round his waist. Good thing too, because the next minute Sirius entered the shower room, looking disgruntled and tired.

"Having trouble sleeping again?" Remus asked and then cursed himself silently. The last thing Sirius needed to be reminded of was their one-off bed-sharing experience.

"Um no, I'm fine" Sirius shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable but smiling nonetheless. Remus nodded and began to walk to the door, but stopped when he heard Sirius speak tentatively behind him.

"Um, Remus? Can we talk?" It amazed Remus that Sirius could sound so vulnerable to him when to anyone else he was the picture of confidence. Remus discarded the feeling that it had anything to do with him before it could manifest and drive him even more insane.

"Yeah of course" Remus mumbled, turning back around. He was startled at how close Sirius was standing behind him and had to brace himself on the wall.

"Look, about the other night… we were both so out of it, we didn't really know what we were doing did we? I think its better all round if we forget about it because I can't stand not speaking to you, Remus. I can see how uncomfortable you feel about it, so let's just pretend it never happened, okay?"

Remus tried to disguise the sinking feeling in his stomach as he heard Sirius' words.

"Yeah, that would probably be for the best" Sirius nodded and gave a weak smile which Remus returned before he swept out of the room, not wanting Sirius to witness the small tear in his eye or the embarrassed flush upon his cheeks.

***********

Sirius was pleased to note that things were finally getting back to normal again. The Marauders were right on track, planning pranks and deliberating how to allow James to snare the elusive Lilly Evans.

"You could write her a song!" Peter suggested enthusiastically. Sirius and James merely raised their eyebrows; Remus was busy with his head in a book. This annoyed Sirius somewhat but he pushed the feeling aside, focusing once again on his other two friends.

"Can you really imagine James with a banjo and a high tenor serenading Evans outside Gryffindor tower? Because I really can't". Sirius had to grin though, it was an amusing image.

"Well I wasn't envisaging a banjo, perhaps a flute? Or a Violin? I saw some guy on the telly doing it once and the girl fell right into his arms afterwards"

"After vomiting I'm sure" James commented, giving Sirius a disgruntled look. "Any better ideas? Where I don't look like a ponse?" Remus?" Remus looked up from his book and shrugged.

"You _could _try and be a little kinder to Severus. I bet that would impress her" Remus suggested. Sirius and James looked utterly disgusted.

"A violin you say, Wormtail?"

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. Unless you counted the mysterious wedgie Snape received during lunch, exposing his dirty grey boxers. Clearly James wasn't keen to embrace Remus' advice. Speaking of Remus, they had developed a somewhat polite friendship out of their little mishap last week. They were kind to each other, but not exuberantly so. They spoke softly and kept their distance, not wishing to offend the other. All in all Sirius thought things were running quite smoothly.

"What the hell is up with you and Moony?"

Or so Sirius thought.

"Nothing" Sirius replied innocently, looking into James' narrowed hazel eyes.

"Oh cut the crap, Sirius. First you two act all weird with each other and won't even speak, let alone look at each other and now you're so bloody polite and cautious with each other it's like your anticipating some kind of outburst from the other. But what kind of outburst I can't begin to imagine" James raised his eyebrows questionably.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Sirius looked away. James only had to look at his face to know he was lying, damn best friend intuition.

"Liar" James replied, right on cue. "Come on, Pads. I've talked to you countless times about Lilly, why can't you talk to me about this?"

"What makes you think it's anything that way inclined?" Sirius burst out, looking irritated.

"What?" James was stunned for a moment but then he took in Sirius' expression. The last time he had seen him like that was in their third year when Sirius had gotten an intense crush

on a very attractive sixth year that was way out of his league. The truth dawned on James in a sudden, unbelievable blow.

"You _like _Remus!" James was shocked, but admittedly not surprised. It all made more sense now. The furtive glances, the awkward body contact.

"Keep your bloody voice down!" Sirius whispered frantically and quite unnecessarily, the common room was packed with students completely oblivious to the two boys talking in a secluded corner of the room. But Sirius had just confirmed James' suspicions with his little outburst and with amusement he noticed the flush creeping up Sirius' normally pale cheekbones.

"Come on, Pads. I know it's true" James looked at him seriously, attempting to disguise his amusement at the situation. His two best friends, who would have thought!

"Well fine but it isn't like that" Sirius looked down morosely. James had never seen him this way before, he suddenly felt a little ashamed of his humour at the situation, but only a little.

"What's it like then?" James pressed. Sirius pursed his lips shut in an expression James knew only too well. "Oh don't start that I'm-too-embarrassed-to-disclose-my-deepest-darkest-secrets look, you haven't used that since we were kids"

"You shouldn't know that look" Sirius mumbled, glaring at James.

"Of course I should, we're best friends aren't we? And what do best friends do? They help. Particularly when the other is having a romantic crisis"

"I am n-" Sirius objected but James cut him off.

"No more excuses. Now spill it" James crossed his arms over his chest and looked defiant, Sirius was also used to James' looks and he knew that this one meant business.

"Fine. But not here" Sirius glanced round the room nervously.

James sighed and rolled his eyes. "Alright, upstairs then. Come on".

The dorm room was empty. Remus was currently in the library helping Peter on some particularly difficult Transfiguration homework. James had decided upon his opportunity to interrogate Sirius very well indeed.

"Right. Start talking" They had both taken a seat on the edge of two beds. Sirius begun to wring his hands together.

"This isn't easy you know. I've never felt like this…with a bloke. I'm as confused as fuck" James had to pity the boy but prompted him to continue.

"And how do you feel?"

"I don't know… I mean it's not as though we're in love or anything, I mean we've only had the one kiss"

"You kissed?!" James shouted, much to Sirius' horror.

"Shut up!" Sirius threw a pillow at him but James caught it with ease.

"Sorry, I was just a little shocked that's all. So when did it happen exactly?"

"Last week at that party after the Quidditch match. We were both slaughtered-"

"Well I know that" James grinned, interrupting. Sirius merely glared at him. "Sorry, continue".

"And well, he just kissed me, completely out of the blue and I well…responded. But then the next day it was so awkward and I got so fed up of it all that I decided to tell him we should forget the whole thing" Sirius sighed, seemingly relieved to be getting this off his chest.

James was thoughtful for a minute. "Are you sure that was the best thing to do?" He finally asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Sirius was puzzled.

"Well, it could have been the start of something" James clarified, as though it was obvious.

Sirius barked a laugh. "Yeah right, Prongs! Bet my family would really love that" Sirius commented sarcastically, rising off the bed and throwing his arms in the air for emphasis.

"Who gives a shit what they think? When have you? You know what I think?"

"What do you think? Enlighten me"

"I think you're scared"

Sirius laughed again. "Scared of what exactly? "

"Of being with Remus, of your feelings for him which currently I can wager is a simple physical attraction, but it could be much more than that".

Sirius was thoughtful. "I don't know, James…"

"Well you need to find out" James stated, standing in front of Sirius and taking him by the shoulders. "You need to go up to him and confront him in any way you deem appropriate. Otherwise this is going to eat at you, Padfoot and it's going to destroy your friendship with Remus".

"I know your right. I'll go now, he's bound to stay later than Peter in the library"

"Good. I'm glad you've seen sense"

Sirius made his way to the door but paused at the handle. "And you don't mind? Him being a bloke and all?"

"Not at all. So long as it isn't me, and it's less competition for Lily, I'm fine" James grinned which Sirius returned before heading out of the common room in pursuit of Remus.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, I kept getting writers block. Watch out for the sudden changes to POV; there were just certain times in the chapter where I thought it was better to hear it from a certain point of view.

Chapter Four

Remus was sitting quietly in the library; unsurprisingly with his head in a book. Peter had already left, complaining of wrist strain. He just didn't have that kind of work-infused stamina that Remus had. Remus sighed and leaned back slightly on his chair; scanning the now emptied library. He knew it must be getting late but he couldn't force himself to move and go back to the common room. A small voice in his head argued that this was out of fear and embarrassment; in case he ran into Sirius.

Remus sighed and closed his book shut. He'd been trying not to dwell on this all day but now the thoughts had surfaced, he doubted he'd be able to tune them out and get any more work done. He chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully, trying to ignore the discomfort he felt deep in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't comprehend how vastly things had changed within the last few days. It felt like a lifetime ago before the party when he and Sirius were simply best friends; fellow canines and half of the infamous Marauders.

Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to erase what had occurred between them. On the one hand, the lack of a kiss would eradicate the awkwardness between them right now; would dispel the new feelings Remus was only now beginning to feel and the slight shame that once again he was different. But Remus was unsure. _Was _he gay or not? Was he simply curious? Lonely perhaps? He'd never really had a proper girlfriend; being a hairy beast once every month kind of prevented that. Whereas Sirius knew all of this and accepted him, regardless.

Remus looked at it from another perspective; if the kiss had never happened at all. Remus couldn't lie to himself that he would be disappointed to have missed out on such a kiss. Despite all that it had caused, it had been pretty damn amazing. And certainly memorable. Remus had kissed girls before but none of those stood out quite so clearly in his mind as his kiss with Sirius did. Sometimes late at night, Remus deluded himself into thinking that he could still taste Sirius in his mouth, lingering on his lips, flavoured on his tongue. Remus pushed such thoughts away; it was utterly pointless to think of these kinds of things. Sirius had made it quite clear that he didn't want anything to happen between them. Remus' stomach sank even further at the thought.

So what were his options? For one, he could bury his feelings, his desires, whatever they were. Remus was not hopeful of this option; he knew it was impossible. A kiss like that couldn't be undone; couldn't be forgotten. So option two then? _Kiss him again _a soft voice whispered in the back of his mind. Remus flushed as he began to imagine it. Sirius' warm lips against his own; inviting, sensual; his tongue slipping in, meeting Remus', caressing.

"Remus?" A quiet voice asked nervously. Remus almost fell off his chair.

"S-Sirius?" Remus was still flushing, his fingertips on his lips, mouth slightly parted in expectation. Sirius thought to himself that he looked absolutely beautiful. _Shut up_ Sirius told himself, beginning to flush himself.

"Yeah it's me. Sorry if I made you jump" Sirius took a seat next to him, carefully not sitting too close.

"S'okay. No harm done" Remus smiled tentatively at him. Sirius felt his earlier resolve diminish. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought libraries were your worst nightmare?"

"They are" Sirius agreed, he took a deep breath before he continued. "I was looking for you actually"

"Oh?" Remus replied. Was Sirius imagining the trace of hopefulness he detected in Remus' tone? "What for?"

Sirius glanced anxiously over at the front desk. Remus followed his gaze. "Madam Houston isn't here anymore. She normally trusts me to lock up when I'm done". Sirius had to laugh at that which softened his discomfort slightly.

"Trust you to be on good terms with the Librarian. Merlin, Moony, you practically live here!"

Remus huffed slightly. "Was there a particular reason you came here or was it to make fun of me?" Sirius could tell Remus wasn't really annoyed; Sirius had seen Remus mad before; particularly back in fifth year when Sirius- he stopped that thought abruptly and shivered slightly. He had never quite forgiven himself for that.

"What is it? Are you cold? It can get pretty frosty in here sometimes and not just from Madam Houston" Remus chuckled.

"I'm fine…just had an unpleasant flashback you could say".

Remus sobered immediately. "What about?"

Sirius hesitated. This was not the direction he'd been hoping the conversation with Remus would go and he certainly didn't want to dredge up memories such as these when he was in the midst of declaring his feelings to Remus. Sirius flushed at the realisation that those feelings were getting stronger every minute more he spent with Remus. Even now, when he was feeling utterly exposed and anxious, he could not help but notice the grace with which Remus held himself; the way he casually loped against his chair, his light brown hair falling into his eyes elegantly.

"Um, Sirius?" Sirius started when he realised he had been staring and had not spoken for several seconds too long.

"Sorry. It doesn't matter. Look I came here to talk about something important" Sirius felt the flare of panic settling deep into his abdomen once again. Remus started to look uncomfortable; had he already guessed?

"What is it?" Remus asked warily.

"Um…" Sirius looked down; the words stuck like glue in his throat. He rose out of the chair and begun to pace nervously. He heard Remus groan silently. Sirius looked up anxiously. "What?"

"I know what this is about" Remus rolled his eyes, an annoyed look on his face. He rose from his chair also to face Sirius directly.

"You do?" Sirius asked cautiously.

"Yes. Look Sirius, I know things are a bit weird between us right now but you don't need to get all weird about it. I'm not going to jump you again so I really don't want to hear you tell me we need to cool things down for a bit… maybe, I don't know, have a bit of space between us?" Remus said all of this in a rush; seemingly wanting to get it all out before he lost his nerve.

Sirius was speechless. This was really _not _how he wanted this to go. In fact, it couldn't have gone any worse in his opinion. Sirius was suddenly angry; angry at Remus for thinking such things and angry at himself for making Remus feel unsure about his intentions.

Sirius took a deep breath; unconsciously clenching his fists in frustration. "How could you say…how could you _think _that I would want space between us? Are you utterly _insane?"_

That struck a nerve. Remus' face suddenly flushed red; like it always did when he was angry.

"I am _not _insane. Maybe you are though. Did you not say to me that you wanted to pretend this- _we_ never happened? And now you come here, looking flustered and fucking _gorgeous, _clearly about to tell me you still feel uncomfortable about it and want me to piss off. Well I'll tell you this for sure-"

Remus was cut off abruptly mid-sentence when Sirius strode forward swiftly, grabbing his face between his hands and kissing him roughly and somewhat angrily. Remus struggled for an instant but Sirius simply gripped him tighter; thrusting all of his body weight against Remus', tangling his fingers in his hair, tracing his tongue across his lower lip, moaning in desperation and _need_, willing Remus to kiss him back just as passionately.

Remus was momentarily stunned. It took him a few seconds to register that it was Sirius kissing him right now with such hunger and passion. Only a few seconds passed however and he was kissing him back just as hungrily; pushing Sirius against a nearby wall and allowing Sirius to part his lips with his expert tongue, the two boys moaning in ecstasy and desire_. _This, Remus thought, was even better than he had remembered it on that fateful drunken night.

Remus felt light-headed when they parted. They were both panting in earnest; wild-eyed and hair in disarray.

"That was…" Remus faltered, unable to finish his sentence.

"Yeah…" Sirius agreed.

"What made you…?" Remus left his question unanswered.

"You know why" Sirius spoke so seriously; his jaw set and his lips pursed in a gesture as though he was daring Remus to disagree with him. Remus nodded weakly; unable to form words in his throat.

"Say something" Sirius' eyes bored into his own pleadingly, desperately.

Remus let out a long breath he didn't realise he had been holding.

"Kiss me again" he pleaded, unable to disguise the longing in his voice. Sirius complied immediately; this time making the kiss gentler, more intimate. He wrapped one hand around the back of Remus' neck and kissed him softly several times on the lips before he allowed further movement. Remus felt as though he could have exploded from the tension.

Sirius chuckled. "Patience my dear Moony". Remus reacted instinctively to the ownership in Sirius' words. He pulled Sirius closer to his own body; chests together, groins almost touching. Remus felt as though he could have come from the apprehension itself.

After several magnificent moments, they parted, staring into each other eyes, silently communicating what they both instinctively knew. This was the beginning of something extraordinary.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

AN: Finally another chapter! I think the block has gone now, I got a bit carried away with the length, especially at the end. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they spur me on to write more, so thank you.

Chapter Five

The next few weeks passed by in a lustful blur. Sirius could hardly keep his hands off of Remus which proved to be difficult considering their relationship was being concealed; excluding James and Peter. Peter had accepted the news respectfully; although he couldn't quite disguise his shock; clearly your two best friends having it off with each other wasn't a daily occurrence.

James, already clued in to the romance, was unashamedly smug. It had been him after all who had prompted Sirius to confront Remus in the first place. Sirius rather cruelly popped his over-inflated ego one evening at dinner, however.

"I don't know what you're so smug about, Prongs. You may have played match-maker between us but you still haven't procured the same result with Evans". Sirius had sported a black eye for a good week after that comment and James was still serving detention with an outraged McGonagall.

All in all, things were going well. Sirius and Remus had an arrangement which suited them perfectly; to the unobservant eye they remained best friends with no inappropriate touching. In private however it was all lips, limbs and skin. Remus had made these distinctions very clear to Sirius at the beginning of their trysts, several weeks ago.

"We have to be so _so _careful, Pads. We can't have anyone thinking to themselves: 'hmm those two seem a bit closer than usual…wonder if something's going on'. You agree?" Remus was pacing, wringing his hands in undisguised agitation. Sirius thought he looked absolutely adorable when he was anxious, and told him so with a swift kiss to the lips which lingered into a somewhat longer snog.

"That's exactly the kind of thing that needs to be kept behind closed doors" Remus commented, panting slightly in exertion from the kiss.

"How come? Surely the world deserves to see such skill" Sirius smirked and Remus gingerly returned the smile. Sirius softened his expression and suddenly had the urge to open his arms to Remus but restrained himself; they weren't quite close to that kind of affection just yet and it bothered Sirius somewhat. He knew why Remus was being more overly cautious than himself; Remus knew how it felt to be excluded and he didn't want people to have more ammunition to shun him and he certainly didn't want Sirius to feel one ounce of the exclusion Remus did.

Sirius however couldn't care less what people thought about him. What difference did it make if he was shagging a man or a woman? He was _Sirius Black _for Merlin's sake; people expected him to be a little adventurous sexually. Sirius didn't see it quite that way himself however; it was unimportant to him whether Remus was male or female as long as he was simply _Remus._

"Come on, Remus. Calm down a bit. We can keep this between us for as long as you like" Sirius assented, watching Remus relax visibly and take a seat next to him in the chair.

"Thanks. Sorry I don't mean to be such a wimp about all this"

"It's okay. As long as you aren't ashamed of me or something" Sirius smiled to show he was joking but Remus was immediately defensive.

"No of course not! I'd never be ashamed…never... not of you" Remus stuttered, becoming more and more embarrassed with each word. Sirius smiled in amusement but he also couldn't help noticing the warmth which spread through him at Remus' words. Instead of telling him so however, he did what he always did when he felt a sudden impulse of affection, he kissed him.

`*``*``*``*``*`

"Perfect" Remus muttered to himself after finishing the last sentence of his Potions essay. It was a Saturday morning and Remus had decided to get up early to finish the essay, leaving the other three Marauders sleeping soundly in bed. He heard movement on the stairs and looked up to see a tousled haired James walking sleepily towards him, rubbing his eyes.

"What time is it?" James asked groggily, lying across the sofa with his hand extended over his eyes.

"Eight-thirty" Remus replied, rolling up his parchment.

James groaned. "Why are you up so early? Why am _I_ up so early?"

Remus gestured to his essay in reply. "Don't forget it's a Hogsmeade weekend as well. The other two will have to get up soon if we want breakfast before we go"

"Good luck with that, mate. You can go wake your boyfriend up"

"He's not-"

"I know, I know. He's not your boyfriend. Merlin knows why though" James said, rolling his eyes.

"I dunno we're just sort of messing around right now-"

"Ugh! Too much information! Nasty mental image coming through"

"Of what, Prongs? You in your under crackers?" Sirius had descended down the stairs, still in his sweatpants from bed and shirtless, making Remus flush. James threw a pillow at him in response and missed.

Sirius chuckled and took James' position on the sofa.

"Well at least get dressed, you git" James muttered in response, making his way up the staircase; presumably to get dressed himself.

Remus rose to follow him but was suddenly assaulted by a pair of arms dragging him downwards onto the sofa. Remus yelped and attempted to right himself but the strong arms gripped him, relentless. He suddenly felt a cool breath at his ear.

"Not trying to get away from me are we, Remus?" Sirius asked in a rough, low voice.

"N-no" Remus stammered, rendered incoherent when he felt Sirius' lips against his neck, planting wet kisses in a line up to his earlobe.

"Good" Sirius practically purred, his lips edging closer and closer to Remus' expectant mouth. When Sirius' lips finally claimed his, Remus moaned in both ecstasy and utter contentment. He would quite happily kiss Sirius forever. He didn't pause to think of the implications of this; namely a lifetime with Sirius. Remus was too engrossed in the kiss to care; too enthralled by the hot, wet lips moving in synchronisation against his own and the strong, gripping fingers curled around his hair; holding him securely in place; inescapable. Remus found that he liked that sensation very _very _much. All too soon, it was over.

"Oi! Can we come down? Are you two done snogging?" Peter descended the stairs, hands covering his eyes with James laughing quietly behind, anticipating Peter's stumble when it evidently came on the final step.

"Thanks, James" Peter mumbled, red-faced. "Can we eat now then?" Peter asked the two boys who were flushed and conspicuously now several feet apart from each other on the sofa.

"Yep!" Remus replied, standing up a little too quickly and staggering slightly, Sirius caught him easily by the arm. "Thanks" Remus blushed.

After breakfast the Marauders filed out with the other students towards Hogsmeade. Remus and Sirius kept their distance from each other, attempting to not draw attention to themselves. However, the furtive glances and knowing smiles to an intuitive observer would have immediately given them away.

Even though they were separated by two extra bodies, Remus could feel an electric current through his entire body with Sirius so near to him and yet completely unattainable at this point; mostly down to the physical distance between them but also to do with their inability to be open about their desires in public. Of course Remus knew this was a part of the deal; it was inconceivable to him that their relationship could possibly be public. Remus had faced enough animosity in his life due to his lycanthropy and he didn't need his sexuality to be the cause for even more hostility. And he certainly didn't want Sirius to feel what he felt every single day of his life when it could easily be avoided.

Remus was jerked out of his reverie by a low murmur in his ear. "You okay, Moony? You didn't even seem to hear James say we were going into The Three Broomsticks". Remus looked around in confusion, searching for the other two boys. "They've already gone in. I said we'd meet them there later, I wanted to go to Zonko's quickly first, if you don't mind". Sirius held out his palm facing upwards as though he was about to hold Remus' hand but then seemed to think better of it and replaced it inside his robes. Remus nodded, perplexed by his own behaviour, and followed Sirius down to Zonko's.

`*``*``*``*``*`

Once Sirius had successfully replenished his supply of dungbombs, he and Remus made their way back to The Three Broomsticks to meet with James and Peter. However, it seemed it had taken a lot longer than Sirius had expected in Zonko's so when they entered the pub, they could see no sign of James or Peter. Sirius sighed and gestured to Remus that they take a seat anyway and at least have a Butterbeer before they went to find the other two.

Sirius made his way to the bar and was greeted by the kind, jovial face of Madam Rosmerta who beamed when she saw one of her favourite customers.

"The usual?" She asked pleasantly, noting Remus sitting by himself waiting at a nearby table.

"Just two today thanks, Rose. Unless of course you're keen to slip me something a little stronger…" Sirius asked cheekily, winking and smirking at Madam Rosmerta. Out of the corner of her eye, Rosmerta saw Remus frown in their direction. _Interesting_ Rosmerta thought, smiling to herself.

"You know the rules, Black. Just the two butterbeers for you and your lovely friend over there" Madam Rosmerta winked and shuffled off to find two glasses. Sirius glanced behind himself at Remus and smiled at him and was met with a strained smile back. Sirius looked questionably at Remus until he heard a soft cough in front of him.

"Here you go" Rosmerta said, handing over the Butterbeers and taking Sirius' money. Sirius looked behind himself at Remus once again furtively, hoping his confusion was not too blatant to Rosmerta.

"You know, he's a nice lad, that Remus Lupin" Rosmerta said, a glint in her eye, observing Sirius carefully for his response.

Sirius shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but disguising his discomfort unsuccessfully.

"He is" he practically croaked out. He flushed and cleared his throat. "He is nice" he said with a bit more clarity.

Rosmerta smiled kindly at him, pushing the drinks pointedly towards him. "Make sure he knows it" She whispered as Sirius began to move away, flushing once again.

When Sirius arrived back at the table, Remus was still frowning, eyes downcast to the table.

"What's up with you?" Sirius asked, placing the Butterbeers onto the table.

"Nothing" Remus replied, tracing his fingertips against a stain on the table.

"Yeah right! What are we, Remus? Girls? Come on, I saw you frowning while I was up at the bar too"

Remus sighed heavily and whispered so quietly that Sirius had to move forwards in his chair to hear him. "You were flirting".

"With who?" Sirius chuckled, leaning backwards; thankful it wasn't anything more serious.

"Rosmerta" Remus enunciated, as though it were obvious.

Sirius barked a laugh and found it difficult to stop. Remus' frown deepened.

"Oh come on, Remus! Of course I wasn't flirting with her! You're overreacting!" Sirius grinned at him but Remus didn't return the smile, instead he stood up and made his way to the door.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled after him, still laughing slightly but becoming concerned now.

Sirius found him down a side alley next to The Three Broomsticks, arms crossed tightly across his chest, eyes downcast, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Come on, Remus. This is stupid" Sirius said once he had reached him, attempting to draw his arms apart.

"So I'm _stupid _now am I?" Remus looked close to tears; Sirius couldn't believe that he would act this way.

"No of course not. Now what's really the matter?" Sirius asked gently, bending down slightly to try and look Remus in the eye, who wouldn't comply.

"That _is _the matter. You were smirking and winking and blushing. Why should I be surprised? You're Sirius Black for Merlin's sake!"

"Well yes, I think I'm aware of that, Remus"

Remus didn't appreciate the joke and tried to mount himself off the wall but Sirius anticipated this and put his arms on either side of Remus' body, trapping him there.

"Okay, seriously now. What does it matter who I am?"

"You love women. Everyone knows that. You flirt with all of them, no matter what. Even if they're a _Slytherin_"

Sirius couldn't help it, he laughed again. "It isn't funny!" Remus hissed.

"Yes it is. Who cares if I flirt a little? It's who I am! It doesn't exactly go further than that. And with Rosmerta I was only _smirking _and _winking to_ get some alcohol and I was only _blushing _because she was talking about you!"

Finally Remus looked up, looking quite embarrassed. "Oh" he said simply.

"Yes, _oh. _Now what brought all this on? It's not like you…" Sirius held Remus' gaze intently, making Remus squirm slightly in the prison of his arms.

"I don't know. This is all so new to me; I can't get my head around it all. I can't understand why you chose _me" _

Sirius' face was blank. "Why wouldn't I?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Let's think, hmm. Because I'm a werewolf, because I'm a bloke and because you can have your pick of anyone"

"Who cares? I didn't pick you for those things and I wouldn't _not _pick you for them either. I picked you because you're _you". _Remus smiled tentatively in response. "Now stop all this silliness. I know you can get a little over-sensitive near the full moon…" Remus looked down again, uncomfortable.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"'S'okay. You're adorable when your jealous" Remus jerked his head up to protest but Sirius was one step ahead of him again and quickly pressed his lips against Remus', silencing him.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I went on holiday. I've already written a fair bit of the next chapter so that shouldn't take too long to finish. Enjoy!

Chapter Six

Remus was still utterly embarrassed about their last trip to Hogsmeade, resulting in Sirius having to keep reassuring him that it was fine and Remus' slight overreaction was simply down to overactive hormones and the threat of bigger issues; namely the full moon. Remus' stomach sank at the thought. The full moon was tonight and for some reason he was dreading it more than he usually did. Remus supposed this was down to embarrassment. It was his first full moon since he and Sirius had been…well…_seeing _each other and he was anxious to see how the wolf would react to the big black dog.

Normally, it was the dog and the stag that kept the wolf in check, or so Remus was told afterwards. The rat merely acted as a look-out, in case any student out of bed came wandering nearby, oblivious to what was going on. Of course Remus refused to leave the Shrieking Shack, despite his friends' protests that they could control him. He simply couldn't risk it…couldn't bear it if he…_bit _someone.

When his friends had first suggested to him their idea of being Animagi, Remus was appalled. How could they risk themselves this way? What if he bit one of them? Remus wasn't sure what kind of affect it might have on them, even if they were in their animal forms. It was Sirius who finally convinced him that he had nothing to worry about. Although Remus was incapable of _not _worrying about it, Sirius managed to placate him into agreeing to at least let them _try. _

"If it doesn't work, Remus" he had said, "then we won't even mention it again, promise" and Remus had felt a little bit better. He knew he could trust his friends completely and was intensely grateful for their sacrifice but it didn't completely obliterate his uneasiness. Sirius seemed to sense this.

"Remus" he took him by the shoulders. "We will not let anything happen, to you, to us, to anyone. We will be like your guardian angels, protecting you from yourself".

How could Remus disagree with him? Especially when he looked deep into his eyes and saw the sincerity there and how much Sirius truly _believed _that this was achievable. And indeed it was.

But Sirius had been mistaken. He had promised Remus that nothing would happen to anyone else and yet it almost had, to Severus Snape. Remus tried not to think of that day very much or even mention it. This was mostly because Sirius was so remorseful after what he had done that any time it had been brought up, he had descended into a depressive state, unable to speak or look anyone in the eye. This only occurred within the first few months of course, because after that no one dared mentioned it again, for which Remus was extremely grateful.

Of course he had been furious with Sirius at the time, how could he not be? But he had forgiven him. He just wished Sirius would forgive himself. It had been a terribly stupid thing to do, but it was done now and thankfully no one had gotten hurt; besides, Severus was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody what he had seen and at least it had stopped him from constantly trying to work out where Remus disappeared every month; eventually he would have discovered the secret anyway.

Remus knew Sirius' frustration and anger towards Severus had simply gotten the better of him. He told Sirius this countless time but Sirius remained remorseful. Perhaps it had been a blessing in disguise because they had already faced one of the worst-case scenarios and now they were prepared for anything. Even falling in-

"Remus?"

Remus looked up and smiled. "Hey, Padfoot" he said softly.

Sirius took a seat next to him on the sofa in the common room.

"You looked quite deep in thought there, what were you thinking about?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing really. Nothing important anyway" Remus said dismissively.

Sirius frowned. "Were you thinking about the full moon?" he asked quietly, even though they were currently the only people in the common room.

"A little" Remus admitted.

Sirius raised his arm, hesitated and then put it around Remus' shoulder.

"It'll be alright. We'll all be with you" Sirius reassured him.

"I know. Just feels a little…different this time" Remus admitted sheepishly.

Sirius nodded in understanding. Suddenly his eyes brightened mischievously.

Remus groaned.

"What?" Sirius asked confusedly.

"I know that look"

"What look?"

"That 'I'm-going-to-do-something-very-naughty look. Well I'm telling you now, Sirius. I'm not doing it"

"You don't even know what it is yet" Sirius winked.

Remus groaned again.

Sirius tightened his arm around Remus' shoulder.

"Oh come on, Remus! Give me some credit. I promise you'll like this idea. I guarantee it will cheer you up and loosen you up somewhat for tonight" Sirius promised, looking at Remus earnestly.

"Uh huh" Remus answered, unconvinced.

"Trust me" Sirius said, eyes alight with excitement, begging Remus to be enticed by them. How could he resist?

"Fine" Remus grunted, smiling in spite of himself. "What's the plan?"

"Secret" Sirius answered, smirking.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

"Where are we going?" Remus complained for about the tenth time already.

"Wait and see" Sirius replied, trying to make his voice sound natural when in fact he was incredibly nervous.

"We're going to miss dinner" Remus whined and Sirius chuckled.

"I have food. Don't panic"

"You do?" Remus sounded curious now.

"Yes. Now be patient for one more minute, okay?"

"Okay"

They were approaching the corner and Sirius stopped, his hands still placed over Remus' eyes.

"Wait here a second" Sirius told him. "And keep your eyes shut". Remus groaned but complied.

Sirius walked down the corridor thinking hard. He could hear Remus tutting impatiently several feet away. Standing behind him again, he re-placed his hands over Remus' eyes. Remus started.

"Whoa! Don't sneak up on me like that"

"Sorry. Start walking again"

Sirius led Remus towards the door that had magically been conjured and walked him through it which suspiciously locked itself once they were inside the room.

Remus gulped.

"Don't worry" Sirius chuckled, removing his hands from Remus' face. "Open your eyes now".

Even Sirius was surprised at how perfectly the Room of Requirement had met his request. Inside the spacious room a very comfortable-looking rug was spread across its centre, white and fluffy, Sirius noted to himself. Perhaps they wouldn't even need the massive four poster bed at one end of the room? Sirius wasn't sure. His brain seemed to have left him momentarily and had taken a nice vacation to France. He was unbelievably nervous. Would Remus be offended by this blatant invitation? Sirius shuddered at the thought of an angry Remus punching him in the mouth, telling him he was a dirty man-whore who needed to be put on a lead.

He closed his eyes, bracing himself. On the other hand, Remus and himself had done plenty of _other _things, but never this. It almost seemed as though it had been building up to this moment; all the weeks of tender kisses, caressing bodies, hardened erections pulsing in undisguised lust and _need. _Simply begging for release.

"Wow" Remus breathed in astonishment.

Sirius sighed in relief. "You like it?" He asked hesitantly.

"What's not to like?" Remus replied, walking towards the bed and stroking the silk sheets.

"There's food too, a picnic in fact. Is that alright?"

"Of course" Remus said, walking over to Sirius and wrapping his arms around the other boys' waist. "Do I get you for desert?" Remus asked seductively, pressing his body closer to Sirius'.

"You can have me for starters" Sirius whispered back, his voice rough with desire.

For a moment the two boys forgot about the food, the room; in fact they were lost so completely in each other that they forgot everything except themselves and the sensations they were eliciting from each caress and kiss.

Sirius found himself pinning Remus on top of the white, soft rug; erections pressed together, barely coming up for breath as he kissed every inch of Remus. He started by nibbling at Remus' earlobe, moving downwards to nuzzle the other boy's neck, producing a low groan from deep in Remus' throat.

Sirius reacted to the groan as though Remus was speaking to him directly. He moved downwards towards Remus' bare chest (a necessity before they had even hit the floor), his own chest pressed against him, and begun licking and teasing Remus' nipple. Remus groaned again and grabbed the back of Sirius' hair and pulled him somewhat roughly to kiss him, all the while rubbing through Sirius' trousers at his crotch. Now it was Sirius' turn to groan.

After all the weeks of anticipation for this very moment, Sirius and Remus could not contain themselves for long as their relationship took on a very different meaning; right there on the floor in the Room of Requirement, their bodies became one.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: As promised a new chapter soon after the last update, feedback is much appreciated, thank you

Chapter Seven

Remus was exceptionally glad for the distraction that evening but it could not quite dampen his dread of the night ahead. Of course before the Marauders had become Animagi his transformations had been abundantly worse and much more painful; both physically and emotionally. At least with a little comfort and support, Remus did not feel completely isolated as he had done most of his childhood; even with the love and support of both of his parents.

Despite the feeling of warmth that his friends' presence gave him, Remus was reluctant to admit how the transformations still tormented him. He tried to put on a brave face in front of his friends; not wanting to see the pity in their eyes which he had seen one too many times in his lifetime.

He knew they felt it for him but tried to hide it from him. He remembered one particular night, only a few days after his friends' had discovered his secret, walking in on James and Sirius seemingly having a very deep and upsetting conversation to the extent that Sirius had to put his arm around James comfortingly and mutter:

"I know. It kills me too knowing what he has to face. He's braver than the rest of us put together".

Remus had quickly left the room after hearing that and did not resurface until much later in the evening; evidently worrying the three other boys who unsuccessfully tried to hide this fact from him.

And so as Remus made the all too familiar journey towards the Shrieking Shack, he was filled with the same trepidation he always felt; despite his earlier distractions. In fact, Remus was slightly worried that his close proximity with Sirius would create a kind of tension between the wolf and the dog. And not in a good way.

Remus always hated this part of the transformation; the preliminary. He had to walk down to the Shrieking Shack by himself in case anyone spotted the other three Marauders with him and became suspicious; especially people in the know such as Dumbledore. Remus felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of Dumbledore but pushed it aside as he always did; out of shame more than anything else.

Once Remus had reached the Whomping Willow he stopped and waited. Barely a second had passed when three animals subtly entered the clearing. The rat immediately scuttled forward to press the knot on the tree whilst the stag led the way into the tunnel. Remus noted that the dog stayed close by his side while they walked through the cave. At one point he whined softly and pressed his nose into Remus' palm.

"I'm fine, Pads. Really".

An absolute lie of course but he didn't like to worry Sirius; although he was touched by his concern. He always saw straight through him; even before they started their relationship. Sirius knew him too well.

Once they had reached the door the stag stopped with the rat perched between his antlers. This was the end of the road for the time being for the animals. Obviously they couldn't be in the same room as Remus while he transformed in case he lashed out at them by accident. The dog whined again and made to follow Remus but the stag made a shaking motion of his head and gave the dog a very stern look, causing the dog to lie on his stomach in defeat, his paws resting beneath his chin.

"See you in a bit" Remus declared shakily, opening the door, preparing himself to succumb to his animalistic state.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

The next thing Remus was aware of was a warm, slightly smelly body pressed up against his own on the bed. It wasn't an unpleasant awakening as such; albeit a surprising one.

"He's been there since you transformed back" James said sleepily from a corner. Sometimes the three of them simply spent the night in the Shack; finding it easier than attempting to sneak back to their dorm room late at night and arousing suspicion. After all, it was only the four of them in the sixth-year dorm room.

Remus nodded and attempted to sit up but winced in the process. The dog was instantly alert and within moments had transformed back into Sirius.

"What? What?" Sirius asked, jumping unsteadily from the bed.

"Its okay, Sirius. Just in a bit of pain. Nothing to worry about" Remus reassured him. Sirius wasn't convinced.

"Come on, we'd better take you to the hospital wing" Sirius replied, reaching forwards as though he was about to move Remus from the bed.

"No, I'm fine honestly. Just give me a minute"

Sirius looked as though he was about to argue.

"Please" Remus added, lying back down on the bed; he was feeling particularly stiff after this transformation.

"I hope you don't mind, Remus but I'm starving" James looked at him apologetically, his eyes shifting towards the door.

"Me too" Peter added, his stomach growling in assertion.

"That's fine. You lot can go to breakfast. I'll have something later"

"Thanks, mate" James said, clapping Remus once gently on the shoulder and moving towards the door, Peter hot on his tail. Sirius however, hesitated.

"You should eat" Remus insisted. Sirius still looked unsure.

"Go on. I insist. I promise I'll even go to the hospital wing later"

Sirius nodded and smiled at him, stepping forwards as though he was about to give Remus a more sufficient goodbye but then seemed to think better off it.

"See you later" he promised, following James and Peter out of the door.

Once they had all left, Remus closed his eyes and let sleep claim him once more.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

Sirius felt uneasy at breakfast. It hadn't felt right leaving Remus behind like that when he looked so fragile. It had been a tough night for the wolf; more so than usual. Sirius had a sinking suspicion it had something to do with their earlier encounter and felt a pang of guilt at the thought. At the time he thought it would have helped Remus but it seemed to have only made things worse.

The wolf had seemed particularly aggressive towards the dog; as though he was struggling with some unknown force which drew him towards the dog for a reason he couldn't understand. Sirius and James were strong enough to restrain him but were unable to stop him from harming himself in his frustration.

"Are you alright, Pads?" James asked with concern, but not enough to stop shovelling sausage into his mouth.

"Yeah, you look a bit peaky" Peter noted.

"I'm fine. Just a bit worried about Remus that's all"

James and Peter exchanged a significant look.

"What?" Sirius asked with annoyance, it was rare that James and Peter shared a secret he wasn't in on.

"It's nothing really…Just you and Remus seem a bit…closer recently" James said carefully.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well obviously. You know what we've been…ahem" Sirius smirked.

"Yes, we know that, please don't remind us" James replied jokingly, punching Sirius lightly on the arm. "But it's not just that" James continued. "You just seem more…connected lately"

Sirius shrugged. "I guess we are". He didn't add that he supposed that was down to the recent development in their relationship, but something in the back of his mind questioned whether that was really the change James had noticed.

After breakfast Sirius took a few slices of toast with him as he left the Great Hall.

"For Remus" Sirius said, answering James' puzzled glance. James nodded in understanding, his eyes twinkling. Sirius frowned; he didn't like James looking at him like that, like he was aware of something Sirius wasn't. It aggravated him.

"You're lucky you have a free period first thing" Peter grumbled, James and him waving Sirius goodbye as he made his way back to the Shrieking Shack.

Thankfully most of the students were already on their way to class but Sirius checked the distance around him as he pressed the knot on the Whomping Willow with a nearby twig and made his way through the passageway to the Shrieking Shack.

Remus was asleep when he entered the room; shirtless with his tousled honey-coloured hair splayed across the pillow. Sirius placed the toast on the bedside table and quietly laid down on the bed next to Remus; his eyes fixated on Remus' peaceful expression.

As he lay there, taking in all of Remus, Sirius realised he had never taken the opportunity to truly appreciate just how beautiful Remus was. In his first few years of Hogwarts he had always looked a little battered and scrawny but he had really grown into his shape in the last year or two. He was still fairly skinny but it was an endearing characteristic; it made him seem vulnerable; at least, it did to Sirius.

Remus stirred uncomfortably in his sleep and Sirius automatically reached out to him and wrapped his arm around his torso. The positioning was a little uncomfortable for Sirius so he rested his head on the top of Remus'; breathing in his scent. Sirius closed his eyes in contentment. They didn't normally hold each other in this way unless it was somewhat sexually oriented.

Remus shivered slightly and Sirius' tightened his grip around him. He suddenly felt very exposed at the intimacy between them and was reminded of James' earlier knowing look. With that reminder came an irritated feeling towards James. Why did he have to look so smug? It was the same look he used when they were in their third year and Sirius told him he knew a way to enchant a piece of parchment to create a map of Hogwarts and James had laughed and had given him _that _look as though to say: 'you idiot, clearly I know better'. In fact, he had said that. Oh how he had been proven wrong.

But what was he trying to prove this time? That he cared for Remus? Well that was obvious. They were still friends; best friends even. Sirius looked at Remus again and noticed that a stray lock of hair was covering Remus' eye. Sirius tentatively swept it across his face, not wanting Remus to feel discomforted in any way.

Sirius froze.

The realisation hit him like a strike of lightening. He caught his breath and frantically thought through all that had occurred in the past few weeks that made this feeling so absolute, so incredibly _real _to him when it hadn't been previously.

Their relationship had become increasingly physical, sure. But emotionally? Sirius supposed he had become more protective over Remus, more so than when they had simply been friends. But nothing could compare to this feeling right now. Sirius wondered if the sex had brought it to the surface or whether it was simply the canine connection he had felt last night between them; much to the wolfs' agony.

Sirius felt another twinge of guilt at the thought, mingled with some other emotion. Affection perhaps? The feeling that he wanted to be near Remus no matter what; protect him from the world. Mixed within these new tender feelings was the slight feeling of ownership. Sirius knew this was down to his more canine instincts; animals were more proud in that sense. Was that also why the wolf was so frustrated? Because he could feel Sirius' claim on him and his claim on Sirius in return and he was unable to act upon it?

Perhaps Sirius was reading into it too much; the canine brain surely wasn't quite as complex as that. But then again…Remus and him weren't ordinary canines. Regardless, Sirius knew he had realised something tonight; something profound and unchangeable. He was deeply and utterly besotted with Remus Lupin. More than that, he was completely in love with him.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: Thank you again for all the lovely feedback  Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Eight

Three days had passed since the full moon and Remus was finally feeling recovered enough to leave the Hospital Wing. It had been at Madam Pompfrey's insistence that he stay there in the first place; personally he would have preferred to stay in his own warm bed in the Gryffindor common room; no such luck however.

His situation had been made increasingly worse due to the fact that Sirius had not come to visit him once. This puzzled Remus immensely. Even when they had simply been friends, Sirius had always come to see if he was alright after the full moon. Remus could not help but feel uneasy. Either Sirius had simply decided Remus needed his space to rest, or something was bothering him. Remus hoped that it was the first option.

Now that he and Sirius had become as close as they were, Remus could not imagine it not being so. He couldn't imagine Sirius not kissing him or touching him. He had even dreamt about Sirius during his stay in the Hospital Wing several unforgettable times. He had had to quickly clean the sheets on two occasions, escaping Madam Pompfrey's notice.

On one occasion, his dream had felt so real that he awoken from it, groping out blindly for some kind of contact, only to come up empty. He had dreamt that Sirius had been there with him in the Hospital Wing, holding his hand and stroking his hair gently. Remus yearned for the truth of it but he could not explain to himself why.

And so it was with some trepidation that Remus made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast; still feeling slightly wobbly on his feet after being stuck in bed for three days. He understood the necessity of it grudgingly. The recent full moon had been particularly painful and uncomfortable. _Even more reason for Sirius to come and make sure I was okay _Remus thought bitterly, but he pushed the thought aside once he had entered the Great Hall and had spotted his three best friends at the Gryffindor table.

"Remus! Great to see you up and about" James told him jovially, offering him a plate of sausages, egg and beans.

"You look like you need the food" Peter commented, smiling at him.

"I do, I'm absolutely starving" Remus replied, cutting into a sausage.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

Remus furrowed his brow. "I'm fine. Why didn't you come to visit?" Abruptness seemed like the best option. James and Peter looked away awkwardly and starting talking to each other quietly.

"Um" Sirius looked awkward. "I just thought I'd give you some time to recover. The last thing you need is me hanging around annoying you" Sirius smiled weakly.

"You don't annoy me" Remus replied, surprising himself with the seriousness of his tone.

Sirius flushed and shook his head as though to clear it.

"Sure. Can I have that in writing?" Sirius smirked and Remus' heart lifted. This was more like his Sirius, cheeky and loveable. Remus flushed himself at his thoughts.

"No. That would make it legally binding and I might change my mind" Remus responded, smirking at Sirius. Remus could have sworn he saw Sirius' eyes twinkle at him.

Remus saw something else in Sirius' eyes that he couldn't quite place.

"Sirius, what-?" Remus trailed off as Sirius dropped his gaze.

"Come on love-puppies, time for transfiguration" James commented with a smirk.

Sirius regained his composure after that comment and lightly punched James' arm.

"Tosser" he mumbled.

"That's you isn't it?"

Sirius didn't punch him lightly that time around.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

_Get a grip _Sirius told himself furiously as they made their way to Transfiguration.

He felt so uncomfortable and wretched and yet at the same time his heart soared when he considered the realisation of his feelings and what it meant for him to _finally _feel this strongly about someone. He had been brought up in a household which encouraged accessories, not friends. Convenience, not true love. And now here he was, falling in love. _With Remus! _Sirius couldn't quite believe it. After all those years of being friends, it had never occurred to him that Remus was the one for him.

He knew precisely what his mother would think about it too and felt a warm rush of smugness. Oh how he would _love _to tell her. But of course he wouldn't want to expose Remus to that kind of grief and besides; he wasn't even sure how Remus felt about him. He sure as hell wasn't brave enough to ask Remus directly. _Some Gryffindor you are_ he thought to himself with a wry chuckle.

"What's so funny?" James asked him, raising his eyebrows and taking the seat across from him in their Transfiguration class.

"None of your business" Sirius retorted, childishly poking his tongue out at him.

"Oh very mature, Padfoot" Remus said with an amused smile, taking his seat in front of Sirius with Peter across from him.

Sirius flushed _again. _James smirked in a knowing way and Sirius was very tempted to hit him.

The lesson started soon after so James was saved from a beating. Sirius could barely concentrate. Now that he was aware of his feelings for Remus, he was aware of everything about him. The way he held his quill with long, delicate fingers. The way his hair kept falling into his eyes as he got gradually more and more frustrated. Sirius found himself chuckling at Remus' irritation, resulting in Remus turning in his chair to glare at him. Sirius had the good sense to look bashful after that.

As the lesson wore on, Sirius became more and more unfocused, much to McGonagall's chagrin.

"Sirius Black would you please pay attention! As for the rest of you I would like everyone to pair up to attempt the transfiguration of a pin cushion into a porcupine. Please advise each other but each of you must have an attempt. Begin".

Sirius opened his mouth to request to partner Remus but immediately closed his mouth when a fellow Gryffindor, Delilah Jones, made her way specifically over to Remus to talk to him. Sirius' fists clenched under his desk.

"Hi Remus" she began shyly. Remus smiled in acknowledgement. "Um, can I partner with you? I know you normally go with your friends-" she gestured at the three Marauders. Sirius gritted his teeth which seemed to unnerve her slightly, causing her to look away quickly. "But I would really appreciate the help, I'm not very good at Transfiguration you see" she finished, smiling at him nervously.

James glanced warily over at Sirius, sensing a negative reaction from him.

"That's perfectly fine; of course I'll help you. My friends won't mind" Remus smiled and gestured for Delilah to take the seat next to him which Peter had vacated, partnering with a pretty Hufflepuff he had had his eye on for some time.

"Looks like you're stuck with me, mate" James said, patting Sirius on the back.

"Yeah" grunted Sirius; distinctly annoyed. It wasn't as though he didn't want to work with James, quite the contrary as they worked together in most of their lessons. However, Sirius and Remus _always _worked together in Transfiguration; mainly because Peter normally needed James' help.

"Peter didn't need your help today then?" Sirius asked James, annoyance colouring his tone.

"Nah, I said he could work with Susie today, you know how long he's liked her. I just wish Lilly would want to work with me" James sighed.

"Hmm" Sirius replied distractedly, glancing over at Remus and Delilah smiling and laughing together.

James followed his glance.

"Sirius-" he began but Sirius abruptly cut him off.

"She is such a liar. She's not _that _bad at Transfiguration, she just fancies Remus! It's so obvious"

"Is it?" James asked, sounding amused.

"Well yes!" Sirius continued, becoming more annoyed each second. "Look at her now! Fluttering her stupid eyelashes and touching his arm all coy-like. It's…it's pathetic, that's what it is. Pathetic" Sirius drew a long breath.

"Feeling a little jealous are we, Padfoot?" James asked casually, clearly trying to contain his laughter.

"No" Sirius replied a little shortly. James raised his eyebrows. "Okay, maybe a little". James smiled triumphantly. "But only because me and Remus always work together in Transfiguration, that's all" Sirius added lamely.

"If that's what you want to believe" James replied quietly, smirking unashamedly now.

Sirius gave a short 'huff' and continued with the lesson, trying very hard to not hex Delilah Jones and her stupid eyelashes.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

When the lesson was over, Sirius strode out of the room quickly, James following shortly after him, sighing to himself.

"Sirius! Wait a minute" James called, jogging to keep up. Sirius slowed down.

"I'm fine, James" Sirius said, before James could even open his mouth to ask.

"You're not. You need to talk about this. What's going on? One minute you and Remus are just fooling around and the next-"

"And the next what?" Sirius asked angrily. "He decides to go off gallivanting with Delilah Jones?"

"He's not off gallivanting with Delilah Jones" James said calmly, they had reached the Great Hall now, ready for lunch after double Transfiguration. "Now what's really the matter?"

Sirius sat down, grabbing a sandwich and some pumpkin juice. He looked at James evenly. James was his best friend; of course he could tell him what was bothering him. Hell, it might even help him make sense of it. He had no idea where to begin however.

"Well I…realised something recently" Sirius began hesitantly.

"Yes?" James prompted.

"Well…I…kind of um…I-"

"Yes?" James asked eagerly.

"I'minlovewithRemus" Sirius said in a big rush, looking down.

To someone not talented in Sirius-speak, they would have needed him to repeat himself. But of course, James knew.

"Wow" James said, not looking remotely surprised.

"What?" Sirius asked suspiciously. He had been anticipating a much bigger reaction than this.

"Well I knew that" James replied calmly. "You're so obvious, Pads" he clarified.

"I am?" Sirius groaned. "Do you think Remus knows?"

James was about to open his mouth to reply when someone spoke over him.

"Knows what?"

The colour drained out of Sirius' face as he looked up at Remus, who was frowning in confusion.

"That Delilah Jones fancies you" James said quickly. Sirius was deeply grateful for James' quick thinking.

"Oh" Remus said, taking a seat opposite James, Peter on his other side.

"Is that all you can say?" Sirius said, forgetting himself. He felt James kick him under the table.

"What else can I say?" Remus asked confusedly.

"Well do you like her?" Sirius knew he should shut up right now, but he ploughed on regardless. It seemed his brain hadn't quite caught up with his mouth just yet.

"Yeah she's a nice girl. Padfoot what are you-"

"Nothing. That's all I needed to hear. Look I'm not that hungry, I'm gonna go back to the dorm room to get my gloves for Herbology. I'll see you guys later". Sirius stood up swiftly and had to control himself from running full pelt towards the door.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

Sirius didn't get very far however until Remus had caught up with him.

"Sirius! Slow down. What the hell is going on?"

Sirius kept walking swiftly so Remus had to jog to keep up with him. Eventually he was within reaching distance and he grabbed Sirius' arm and yanked him round to face him.

"Don't walk away from me" Remus said angrily, his eyes flashing. A deep tremor was running through his body. His hands were shaking so violently that if he didn't know any better, he would have sworn he was transforming into a werewolf.

Sirius glared back at him fiercely, attempting to dislodge Remus' hand from his arm.

"You are going to talk to me whether you like it or not, Sirius Black. If you think you can just walk out like that and I won't be concerned then you're barking. Excuse the pun".

Sirius' resolve seemed to diminish before Remus' eyes.

"Fine" he grunted. "We can talk. Where?"

"Dorm room" Remus replied gruffly, attempting to calm himself down. He let go of Sirius' arm but Sirius didn't seem to want to move still; he was looking glumly at some unknown sight. Remus felt his anger begin to drain away.

"Come on" he said more gently, grabbing Sirius' hand. The corridor was deserted anyway as most of the students were still at lunch.

They walked in silence towards the Gryffindor common room; their hands unclasping when they reached the Fat Lady. The last thing they needed right now were rumours among the portraits. However, once they had entered the common room and found it deserted, Remus took Sirius' hand again and led him upstairs to their dorm room, closing the door behind them.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; they belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling

A/N: Unfortunately this is the last chapter. I was planning to make 10 chapters but it seemed wrong to split this one down the middle, so I just made it extra long lol. Thank you for reading my story and for all of the lovely reviews. Hopefully I'll write some new stuff when the ideas surface. Enjoy this last chapter!

Chapter Nine

"Now tell me what's going on Sirius" Remus said calmly, sitting on his four-poster bed and gesturing for Sirius to do the same.

Sirius hesitantly sat down.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I overreacted. I don't know what came over me" Sirius said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands.

Remus had never seen Sirius like this. So awkward and still; frozen into a state of genuine remorse. Remus suddenly had a strong urge to throw his arms around Sirius and for once, he complied.

Sirius stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed into Remus' arms, resting his head on the crook of Remus' elbow, his hands splayed across Remus' arm.

They were silent for several moments, simply holding each other. It was probably the first time they had been truly naked together; no words were needed, just the simple contact of two bodies, finally expressing what their voices could not, that they needed each other and that was okay.

For two adolescent teenage boys however; this revelation was too soon to be expressed and was shadowed by a much more prominent emotion; fear.

Remus reluctantly drew away from Sirius. "So what was the problem with Delilah? I still don't understand".

Sirius looked down again. "I just wondered if you liked her…in _that _way" Sirius said, his voice becoming quieter with each word spoken.

Remus laughed, making Sirius flinch. "That's ridiculous! Why would you even think that? She just needed some help in class, it was totally innocent"

Sirius rolled his eyes, his confidence beginning to return it seemed. "Don't be thick, Moony. She bloody fancies you, it's so obvious"

Remus began to chuckle. "And you care?"

Sirius stood up abruptly. Remus immediately regretted his words.

"Of course I fucking care! What the hell is this, Remus? What are we doing?"

Remus was rendered speechless. Sirius waited for his answer, his eyes flashing dangerously, reminiscent of Remus earlier.

"What do you mean 'what are we doing'? We agreed this would be casual, that was the point of it wasn't it?" Remus was genuinely confused now and also slightly alarmed when he saw the expression on Sirius' face as he said the words. He went from angry, to desolate to utterly broken. The realisation hit Remus suddenly and he immediately went to Sirius to repair the damage. Anything to eradicate that look on Sirius' face. He never wanted to see that again.

"Sirius, I'm sorry, I didn't- "

"Please save it, Remus. I can't listen to this"

"But Sirius-" Remus objected, but Sirius cut him off.

"If this was just _casual _and it didn't _mean _anything to you-"

"Of course it meant something! It still does" Remus was desperate now, Sirius was slowly backing towards the door but Remus just needed him to _understand. _

Sirius continued as though Remus hadn't spoken. "If it didn't mean anything, then we can just end it now, can't we?"

Sirius' words cut Remus like shards of ice. "End it?" he mumbled weakly.

"Yeah. This has gone on long enough. Black's don't… they don't…" Sirius seemed unable to finish his sentence. "I'm sorry, Remus" were his last words before he retreated from the room, leaving the now broken Remus behind.

"Come back" Remus whispered to the empty doorway.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

James had decided to go in search of his two best friends when they hadn't turned up for Herbology. He wasn't as surprised that Sirius had missed the lesson because it wasn't in their nature to be that bothered about schoolwork; particularly involving plants. But Remus? He never missed lessons, except for when he couldn't help it such as after a full moon.

At first James had considered that they were better off left alone, in case they were doing something his eyes did not want to witness. But after failing to find either of them in the Gryffindor common room and then neither of them making an appearance in their final lesson of the day, Care of Magical Creatures, he had started to worry. Where were they? Frustrated, James took out the mirror which he knew Sirius had the sister of; they often carried them around in case of emergencies such as these.

"Sirius Black" he spoke clearly into the mirror and waited a few seconds until he saw Sirius' head appear in the reflection.

"James? What is it?"

James was speechless. Sirius looked absolutely terrible. It was obvious he had been crying because of his bloodshot eyes and flushed appearance. But there was something else in his expression. James had never seen Sirius so desolate; except for that fateful night when he had revealed Remus' condition to Snape. Yes, this look was like déjà vu which could mean only one thing.

"Where's Remus?" James asked hesitantly.

Sirius sniffed. "Don't know. Don't care"

James sighed. So Remus was okay, he wasn't hurt. _Well maybe not physically _James considered as an afterthought.

"Where are you?" he asked Sirius firmly.

"Astronomy tower" Sirius said simply, his head disappearing from the mirror.

James sighed and set off to find out what on earth had happened between Remus and Sirius.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

Sirius sat on the stony floor, his legs curled up into a ball, his arms wrapped around himself comfortingly.

He had made a terrible mistake. Why did he have to be such an idiot? He could have easily blown off his jealously and Remus and him could have continued as though nothing had happened. Sure, Sirius would be feeling more strongly about the relationship but surely it would be worth it when he was able to kiss and touch Remus? A small voice in the back of Sirius' mind said this wouldn't be enough for him. But what's to say Remus wouldn't feel the same way someday? Was Sirius really so terrible?

His head was spinning with questions that he desperately needed answers to but was too afraid to receive them. He simply couldn't face Remus right now; couldn't look into his beautiful face and tell him he didn't mean it, that it _was _just a casual arrangement. Because it was a complete and utter lie. Sirius loved Remus and if Remus couldn't love him, he didn't see how they could continue with whatever the hell it was they had been doing.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up, rubbing at his eyes to try and conceal how bloodshot they were; of course James would see through him though.

"You look terrible" James added, sitting beside him.

"Thanks" Sirius replied dryly.

"What happened?" James pressed, staring at Sirius with an anxious expression clearly evident on his face.

"Well, stupidly I confronted Remus about Delilah and he said nothing was going on. But he also said nothing was going on between us two either so" Sirius shrugged.

"Are you sure he said that?" James asked sceptically.

"Well not word for word" Sirius hedged.

"Then what did he say? Word for word" James asked firmly.

"Something like we agreed it would be casual-"

"Which you did" James interrupted.

"Yes we did" Sirius agreed. "But I thought it meant more than that"

"And Remus said it didn't?"

"Well… not exactly"

James rolled his eyes. "What did he say exactly?"

"That it did mean _something-"_

"Well there you are then!"

"Stop interrupting. He didn't specify what it meant exactly"

"Did you give him the chance to?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well no-"

"Sirius! You utter pillock. Go and find him and talk to him"

"Why should I?" Sirius knew he was being ridiculous, childish even. But admittedly he was too scared to go and talk to Remus, to find out how he really felt.

"Because you love him, that's why" James sighed. "Come on, I'll help you look" he grabbed Sirius' arm and yanked him to his feet.

"Thanks, James" Sirius muttered, genuinely grateful he had a best friend like James to give him a good kick up the arse when it was needed.

"No problem. Can't see my two best friend's unhappy can I?"

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

Remus was quietly sitting under a great oak tree in the castle grounds, obscured in shadow from any teachers that might spot him here; or anyone else for that matter.

He felt awful; not only about Sirius but also about missing his afternoon lessons. He had made sure he had gone to explain to his teachers why he was absent; fabricating a story that Sirius had been taken very ill and was too sick to even make it to the Hospital Wing, resulting in Remus having to stay with him to care for him. He reminded himself to inform Sirius of this later, if they were on speaking terms.

Remus was feeling surprisingly calm. If he simply waited for Sirius to let off some steam, he would be able to explain to him that Sirius was completely mistaken in his accusations; or in other words, was being a complete idiot.

Because clearly to a sane, well-informed individual with half a brain, it was quite clear that Remus was utterly _besotted _with Sirius. Remus just hadn't realised what his feelings had meant until now; until he had seen the agony on Sirius' face and realised that he wanted to be the one to make all that agony go away and stay away for as long as Sirius would have him.

Remus supposed that he hadn't realised this sooner because he was scared; scared of losing Sirius and scared of allowing himself to be truly vulnerable with someone for the first time in his life. He knew it was the same for Sirius, with a mother like that. He just wished Sirius had given him the time to explain all of this instead of running off like that.

_Give him time _Remus told himself, feeling comforted.

Remus rose to his feet, deciding to go to the dorm room to wait for Sirius to return.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

Sirius spent a lot longer than he thought he would returning to Gryffindor tower. He had taken James' advice, searching for Remus everywhere he could think of, all to no avail. Finally he had decided to give up until morning; he was too tired to think coherently anymore anyway.

Slipping quietly into the common room, he heard Peter's distinct snores and James' quieter grunts. Remus' bed curtains were still open however and as Sirius drew closer, he realised that Remus was still fully dressed, laying haphazard across his bed as though he had fallen asleep accidentally.

Sirius smiled and removed Remus' shoes gently and pulled the covers up, moving Remus gently inside them; luckily he didn't stir. Sirius stood back to admire him for a moment. Remus was utterly breathtaking, in his own simple not-so-perfect kind of way. But to Sirius he was perfection, every flaw included, he adored every inch of Remus. His heart swelled in response; how was it possible to love someone this much and still be able to breathe?

Remus sighed in his sleep.

"Sirius" he whispered intently and Sirius caught his breath. The moment was so perfect, Sirius could not contain himself. He slid carefully into Remus' bed next to him and wrapped an arm around his torso; burying his head in Remus' hair, breathing in his scent.

"Sirius?" Remus said again, clearly awake this time.

Sirius drew back slightly. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself"

"It's okay" Remus said sleepily, turning over to face Sirius, snuggling closer into his chest. Sirius' breath hitched in astonishment.

"What is it?" Remus asked, looking into Sirius' face for some kind of clue.

"Nothing. It's just we were so messed up earlier and now look at us" Sirius chuckled in both joy and relief.

Remus laughed with him. "Well I've had a lot to think about"

"Me too" Sirius agreed. "You first" he added, smiling in the darkness.

If it wasn't so dark, Sirius would have sworn he saw Remus flush.

"I didn't get the chance to say earlier…I guess I hadn't been aware of my feelings until now…"

Remus squirmed in Sirius' arms, clearly feeling very shy about what he was about to say next.

"I love you too" Sirius said simply, and before Remus could say another word, Sirius silenced him with his lips.

"That wasn't fair" Remus said when they had stopped kissing for a moment.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, amused.

"Because I was about to say it and you said it first"

"Well say it now" Sirius teased, but still eager.

"I love you" Remus said, smiling into the darkness.

Sirius grinned at him, drawing him close for a tight embrace.

"That's all I needed to hear"

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

James went down to breakfast the next morning feeling slightly uneasy. Sirius and Remus hadn't been in the dorm room when he had woken up and he was worried that they were off somewhere arguing. He had been filling Peter in on yesterday's mishaps when he entered the Great Hall and stopped short.

Remus and Sirius were sitting together, grinning stupidly at each other and holding hands discreetly under the table. Remus flushed at something Sirius had said and Sirius looked at him in wonderment and clear adoration; a look Remus readily imitated. No one else in the Great Hall seemed to notice this simple interaction, or understand what it meant.

James however smiled to himself and glanced down the table at Lily Evans who had clearly been looking his way and had evidently realised he had spotted her because she suddenly flushed and looked away; a small smile etched upon her lips.

"Perhaps there's hope for the rest of us, Peter" James said, nodding in Remus and Sirius' direction. "The way them two are with each other can make anyone believe in love"

Peter nodded in agreement and James smiled once more in Lily's direction.

The End


End file.
